IMPORTANT UPDATE TO MY TIDE PODS REVIEW BELOW:
Dear Proctor & Gamble,
I don’t know which one of you is responsible for the creation of Tide Pods, so I hope you both read this. Diane Sawyer told me last night (on the news, not in person because we don’t hang out any more since she “borrowed” my blouse and never returned it), that children across America are eating your Tide Pods like they’re candy…mainly because they look like candy.
I understand that in your employ you have thousands of men and women. Here’s a tip from me to you, Proctor & Gamble (but especially you, Gamble):
Hire at least one human whose job it is to do nothing but stare at your cleaning products and decide whether or not they look delicious. If they do, either go back to the drawing board to make them look like over-cooked cauliflower and sauerkraut, or ship them in disposable gun safes so that small children don’t eat them.
Trust me on this. It’ll prevent a giggety-million dollar lawsuit that’s sure to happen when a precocious two-year-old eats four of your Cascade gummy fruit chewables.
Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE your products, but I would never put one in my mouth. It’s worth noting, for purposes of your research about who would and would not eat your soap, that I am a smart adult whose parents weren’t cousins. If I were a toddler, I would probably be burping deliciously clean smelling bubbles in 10 seconds or less – depending upon whether I had to share with my brothers and sisters.
In closing, I would like to say a big THANK YOU and WAY TO GO for deciding to create child-proof packaging for Tide Pods that will be released soon. Diane Sawyer told me that, too. (She’s like an Oracle, that one.) I appreciate a couple of guys who recognize a flaw and set out to fix it. (But seriously – hire a “Does It Look Delicious Tasting Tech.” I can start right away if you need me.)
Now… onto my review of Tide Pods.