Star Wars gifts are smokin’ hot this Christmas because the new movie The Force Awakens debuts, and people are losing their natural minds. If you didn’t know that either you’re not a Star Wars fan or you were only moments ago released from some sort of captivity situation.
PS: Thanks for reading my blog before alerting your family that you’ve been released. It’s called priorities. Now let’s get your awesome Star Wars Christmas gifts ordered.
1. Don’t even act like this Darth Vader bath mat isn’t awesome. Just don’t. You’ll embarrass yourself.
2. Measuring dry ingredients is boring. R2D2 wants to measure brown sugar with the kind of geeky flourish only R2D2 can accomplish.
3. For the Star Wars fan who loves promiscuity, but still wants to get their geek on. I Will Not Be Your Father condoms.
4. May the froth be with you. And also with you.
5. When you truly love a Star Wars fan, you buy them a Darth Vader mini fridge. Trust me. Studies have been done.
6. What you don’t want this holiday season is for the Star Wars fan in your life to come away feeling as though not enough of their common household objects make light saber sounds. Thank you, Star Wars pizza cutter.
7. I feel like a Star Wars fan not having these Hans Solo socks is akin to an Elvis fan not having free & unfettered access to peanut butter & banana sandwiches. It’s like what? Why? And, no.
8. If I had a life size cardboard standup of Chewbacca, I would put it in front of my window to scare off would be intruding marauders.
9. Donald Trump does not own this Star Wars Millennium Falcon Blue Prints Kitchen Cutting Board. That should be reason enough to buy one.
10. This Star Wars light saber ice pop maker is described as ‘saber-licking good.’ You should buy it if for no other reason than to say that when the gift is opened.
11. It’s a Wookie lunch kit. Yes, it’s hairy. Because Wookie.
12. Sometimes, when one galactic geek loves another galactic geek very much, they make a human baby. That baby will need these Star Wars nursery prints.
13. It’s a Millennium Falcon rug. Let’s not pretend we understand. Let’s just make sure we order it while there is still time.